When my sister and I were plotting out things to do while I was in Boston, the topic of Maine and New Hampshire came up. Tyler used to live in New Hampshire and still had some friends in the area, so they thought it’d be fun to introduce me to one of their friends and take me around to different states. In comparison to the West Coast, it seems like the East Coast states are a little closer together, which makes for quick, easy getaways. I forget how big the West Coast (well, more like California) really is until the topic of a commute comes up.

“When are we going to go?”

“Oh, it has to be on the weekend. It’s far. It takes an hour to get there.”

“…”

Ok, so…

You’d be lucky to even get to Chula Vista from Oceanside in maybe an hour. MAYBE. We’re not even crossing state lines, let alone going to another county. (It’s kind of ridiculous if you really think about it, but welcome to California I guess, where a 15min drive might get you to another neighborhood.)

When my parents visited my sister for her graduation a few years ago, one of their highlights on their trip were lobster rolls. That is literally all they could talk about in our family group chat while I seethed thousands of miles away, jealous that I was missing out on family time and delicious food. So of course on my list of things to do (read: eat) on vacation was to try out lobster rolls. Like, bona fide ones. I’ve had them in San Diego and while we’ve got access to amazing seafood ourselves, the lobster rolls here still aren’t as authentic as the ones you would get in Maine. You can imagine how excited I was that I was finally going to eat legit ones!

We started off our journey in downtown Portsmouth, New Hampshire, where we met up with Renzo. I didn’t grab as many photos as I thought I would (oops), but that was because I had promised my co-workers that I would buy them tacky souvenirs, so my main focus was going through all of the little shops searching for the ugliest, over-the-top magnets I could find. I did not find anything. 🙁

The topic of food came up and we tried to decide where we would go for lunch. There were plenty of restaurants in Portsmouth that offered lobster rolls, but Tyler thought they were overpriced for the quality they offered. Since we were already planning to go to Maine anyway, we decided that we would just go there for food. I’ll be honest, I was feeling a little cranky (tired feet, hangry) so the idea of sitting in an air conditioned car for a little bit seemed like a great idea.

So we all popped into one car and drove to Maine!

We stopped in Kittery to eat at Bob’s Clam Hut. It was pretty busy when we got there (lunch rush, so no big surprise), but we managed to snag one of the last parking spots. We got out and immediately lined up to look at the menu. Since it was so crowded, there were almost no tables or seats available. The line was moving ridiculously slow, so I took that opportunity to look around and see if I could find any tables we could snatch (because my feet were aching still and I JUST WANTED TO SIT).

And that’s when I saw her.

She was standing in the corner, taking a picture with a bunch of kids who looked like they were in elementary school.

I remember thinking to myself “why is this woman taking a photo with a bunch of kids? Are they on a field trip?”

But then I realized that these “kids” were all wearing Bob’s Clam Hut shirts, which meant they (probably) worked there. Why is this woman be taking a picture with the staff? And why does she look so familiar?? And is it legal for these kids to even work here???

And then it clicked.

“Oh my god. Colleen, Renzo. Is that… MARTHA STEWART?”

Both of their heads immediately whipped around and the three of us just kind of stared in silence, our tiny little brains attempting to process who we were seeing. The wheels turned very, very slowly. “I mean… maybe? It does look like her.” And then the Martha Stewart clone turned straight at us. And smiled.

SHE SMILED.

We all stared, slack-jawed, before slowly turning around in stunned silence.

“Oh my god. I think Martha Stewart just smiled at us?”

To be honest, I’m not the type to approach a celebrity in public because 1) I’m shy, 2) I’m scared that I’m bothering them, and 3) that they’ll say or do something and crush the pedestal I put them on which will ruin any future TV show/movie/interview/whatever that they’re involved in for me. So there was no way in hell that we were about to waltz up to her to ask for a picture, especially while she was busy shoving clam rolls into her mouth. Of course I would periodically turn around to make sure we didn’t hallucinate any of it (because what are the odds of seeing Martha Stewart here? of all places??) and a few minutes later, she got up to leave and made a quiet exit.

When I realized she was leaving for good, I tapped my sister on the shoulder and said, “I think she just left, go grab her table!!!”

… aaaaand that’s how we ended up eating at the same table Martha Stewart ate at.

We were able to put in our order for our food shortly thereafter and sat down at the table together, basking in the afterglow that we were actually sitting at the same table Martha had sat at. My sister was browsing through Martha’s Instagram in hopes that there was SOME kind of sign that she had actually been in Kittery, Maine and that it wasn’t some weird doppleganger we had seen. It turns out that Martha actually has two Instagram accounts, one that is strictly professional (and definitely more “on brand”) and the other that is more of her personal account. On her personal account she had posted a picture of the Bob’s Clam Hut sign and in the background you can see the only brown guy within a 100 mile radius: Renzo.

It’s pretty obvious that this is Renzo’s ticket to fame.

 

Pulled from Renzo’s Instagram stories.

We didn’t have to wait around too long for our food and when it arrived, I was so excited. Lobster rolls with a side of fries. What more could a girl possibly ask for?

The lobster rolls were so freakin’ delicious. The bread was, of course, my favorite part. Perfectly buttered and toasted just right. I knew my stomach would probably hate me after all of this (can’t handle overly buttery/greasy/oily foods), but it was worth every bite. I kind of wish they weren’t so pricey because I probably would have ordered a second one, even though I felt pretty full by the end of it.

The next stop on our agenda was the Nubble Lighthouse, a good 25~ or so minutes away.

The drive there was beautiful. I don’t know what it is exactly, but even though you can do similar scenic drives on both sides of the country, the ambiance for the East or West Coast are polar opposites. To be honest, it’s probably the architecture and layout of all the homes — so different from what you would see driving through Santa Monica or Carlsbad haha.

When we got to the Nubble Lighthouse, it was sunny but breezy. Perfect weather to deal with the humidity! I don’t think we’re allowed to actually go on the island where the lighthouse is (kind of lame), but you can climb down the rocks to get some gorgeous shots of the scenery. The rocks were wet, though, so my number one fear was that I would slip in my flats and crack my head open and inevitably damage my camera and lenses. This paranoia meant that I climbed down the rocks very, very slowly – to the point where everyone else left me behind while I struggle bussed on all fours (yes, I literally got on my hands and knees at some points) to catch up to them. Sorry dudes.

Meanwhile there were kids 1/4th of my age jumping and climbing down the rocks with no problem, doing parkour and shit.

Super embarrassing.

I eventually made it down there.

Taken with Boomerang.

Of course I chose to channel my inner grandpa again and wore a pineapple button-up shirt I had bought online in the men’s section of Zaful. I decided to tie the front to give it a more feminine flair since the shirt itself is really boxy. The fabric of the shirt is also a little thick so it did make me feel hotter and grosser, but yanno… fashion over function and all that. I may have felt really disgusting and sweaty, but at least I looked cute while doing it!!

And now that I had finally caught up to everyone else, it was time to boss everyone around while I took their picture – my favorite thing to do (the bossing around I mean).

I didn’t have to direct too much this time since Colleen remembered most of the advice I had given her, but the direction I gave Renzo was pretty minimal. (ie. he was hover handing himself and I pointed that out, so he quickly fixed it. He was pretty aware of what he was doing with his hands/arms after that!)

Spud being a lil potato man.

My favorite one.

Overall the pictures turned out really well (especially considering it was taken with the sun shining really, really bright and I hateeeeeee that kind of lighting for portraits, it creates a lot of gross and ugly shadows) and I’m pretty pleased with them! After a bit we decided to head back to Portsmouth. I, of course, got left behind again as I struggled to keep up with everyone else.

“You doing ok there?” was a pretty common question during our adventure at the Nubble Lighthouse.

“Yep, just give me a few hours and I’ll meet you guys at the top.”

Surprisingly it actually didn’t take me a few hours and I made it up before the sun set. Wahoo!

We decided to end the day with some good ‘ol ice cream, a much deserved treat after all that hard work of climbing over rocks and stuff. We went to Annabelle’s Natural Ice Cream where I got myself some strawberry ice cream. You can never go wrong with such an awesome, classic flavor.

After we finished eating, we parted ways with Renzo and started the drive back home to Boston. By the time we got back, Colleen and Tyler realized we needed some groceries and stepped outside for a little bit. I stayed at home with Spud who seemed unsure of where he wanted to be.

Did he want to be with me, the only human in the house, or did he want to be sitting in the bay window, looking for his mom and dad?

As you can see from the above picture, he decided to do both. He stood in the bay window, waiting for my sister and brother-in-law to return, but would periodically whip around to see what I was up to. (I was busy taking his photos and sending photos of those photos to Colleen and Tyler.)

Goober infinite.